Image by Blake Weyland

Confidence and self love

Get to know yourself better, become more confidence, and learn to love yourself for who you are.

How confident would you say you are in all the parts of your life ? Would you say you know for sure where and what you are doing, or would you say you are pretty unsure most of the time, in your relationships, in your job, in your life's purpose ? Do you, too, have a lot of doubts regarding any decision to make, and would prefer ask someone or even not to do anything ? Do you, too, have troubles knowing what to actually do to take care of yourself and put limits ? Do you, too, have axiety just thinking about what you should do to make your life really yours ?

Well, welcome !

I passed through all of that, I know what that is, you are not alone (at all) ! And good news, I know now how to change this, concretely, permanently, and without violence, in a way that is adapted and respectuous to your situation and profile and that will leave you in charge of your life ! That's why I'm here today with you : to offer you what I would have loved to receive back then, and beleive me, that is life changing.

If you are interested in going deeper in the topic and get right now concrete tools to improve your confidence and self love, get my free Ebook here ! 

What is confidence ?

Do you know someone who lacks confidence, or maybe yourself, in some fields or parts of your life ? Well, to solve that, it doesn't work if you push the person or push yourself, if you put them in difficult situations, out of their confort zone. Or even worse, if you shout at them thinking this is gonna « wake them up ». We know instinctively this is actually gonna make things worse. Why ?
Because like a flower that needs time and soil to grow, a human being needs time and love to grow self confidence. It is a process. It doesn't work with self assessments, you don't become confident because you tell yourself that you can do it... because you simply don't believe it. And so, you push yourself, even worse, you condamn youserlf, judge yourself, harm yourself hitting with « you see you are not worth it », or « how did you think you could do it ? You are nothing ». Even the smallest « you cannot even do that ? » truely can harm the deepest of your heart. It is normal and healthy to have doubts, but never acceptable to harm yourself. By doing so, you offer to yourself the exact opposite of what confidence truely needs to grow : love. Self aknowledgement. Appreciation.

Image by Zac Durant

Confident does NOT mean :

« I know what i'm doing, always, and never have the slightest doubt »

Maybe you see people who seem so confident and you wonder : how do they do to be so sure of themselves ? Well, those people don't think they are super heroes, they just know what depends on them and what doesn't, and instead of loosing their time and energy in trying to solve problems that do not exist or aren't accessible to them, they put it in themselves. By doing so, they can trust whatever situation happens, they will be at their best to handle it. And as for what doesn't depend on them, to actually try something unknown, they simply trust that life will also provide the best it can. Confidence doesn't mean only trust in oneself, but also trust in life.

Image by Eye for Ebony
Helping Hand

Now, imagine one minute how your life could be knowing you are on the right path for you, you are acting confidently and that you are sure things will go well. How would that feel ? Imagine  that whatever you do, no one will judge you and you are immuned to failure : what would you dare to do now that you don't do yet ? You think this is not possible ?

Well, for having passed through very difficult moments in my life and managed to slowly build up my confidence till that point, I can finally tell you today : yes, that is possible, and we can do that together. And let me tell you that there is nothing I wish you more than to have the most beautiful possible life, to be aligned with yourself, and to be confident you go in the right direction. And I know how to do that ! But, it is not gonna be the way you think...

Here is why

We are used in this culture to go in one way, that is the exact opposite that what is needed to grow one's true confidence. No, you do not gain confidence by being competitive and winning : that way you only fill in a gap for some time, before being anxious for the next win. No, you do not gain confidence by pushing yourself to move forward despite all the difficulties, sometimes with rage or determination : you are just pretending being someone else and hidding under a mask. And no, you do not gain confidence by telling yourself or hearing you're the best : you are just hearing a narrative you are trying hard to beleive in, but never fullfill you in. In all those cases, I ask you : what happens when the conditions end ? What happens if you loose, stop doing anything, or start telling yourself you're a looser ? The confidence ends too. Sometimes, the people who seem the most confident, are actually those looking the most for signs that they are actually worth it. Worth what ?

Worth love

Because, at the end, confidence is nothing more than a fear transformed in love. Once you are not afraid anymore, and feel truely loved for who you are (from your parents, from yourself, from life, etc), then you are confident.
Well, being confident, you can do exactly the same stuff you are doing now. But how would it feel to do it, not because you are trying to grab or sponge some piece of love from outside, but because you just want to do it, for love, to share, for fun or whatever core value moves you from inside ? If you could be sure whatever you do is welcome, appreciated, not judged by anyone ? What would you do ?
In answering that question you are actually indirectly answering one of the most ancient and enigmatique philosophical question :

Image by Tim Mossholder

Who are you ?

Image by Hello I'm Nik

Only once you have stopped acting for others, for your parents, for the society, for the self judgement... only then you can truely act by yourself, and therefore be yourself, explore yourself. Only then you can truely be in charge of YOUR life, not the one someone else put in your head in a form of an abstract idea of what it should be, not the one you tend to pretend for others. This, really, is true confidence ; this, really, requires courage. Not pushing forward like a blind bulldozer in the ready traced route of the normal definition of success or happiness. And this courage, believe me, is the most precious gift one can offer, and makes life really worth living : the courage to be in charge of your life. If not, you would have passed next to your life, lived the one of someone else, and obviously would have endured so many useless sufferings on the way. Endeed, living a life that doesn't fit you is like an elephant trying to live in the body of a bird : how could he feel right ? Or a Lion in the body of a frog ? Or any creature, even the most beautiful or the biggest you can imagine, how could one feel right in someone else's life ? We can get used to it. Never feel right and fulfilled. But let me tell you one thing : any creature you can think of will always be too small for the wonderful creature you are, full of possibilities. And it is this creature, no one else, that I wanna talk to, and see hatch and bloom. And I know we can do it, together.

Let's see how I can help you

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Ebook about self confidence and self love

Wanna go deeper and learn some tools to improve your confidence and self love now ?

In this Ebook, you will find :

  1. Clarity : clear distinctions that bring clarity on what self confidence and self love are.

  2. Origins : philosophical and psychoanalitic contributions to on their origins, as well as on the essential notion of Love.

  3. Tools : three tool to get to know you better, to accept yourself, and to let go.

  4. Support : an invitation to a 30 mns free coaching session in order to establish a concrete and adapted plan of action for YOU.